Today I wanted to address something that I find both important, and alarming. The lack of discussion surrounding men as victims of domestic violence is overwhelming.
Why do we forget about them? Is it because society doesn’t think it’s cool for men to need help? I say, fuck that.
According to the CDC’s statistics — estimates based on more than 18,000 telephone-survey responses in the United States — roughly 5,365,000 men had been victims of intimate partner physical violence in the previous 12 months, compared with 4,741,000 women. By the study’s definition, physical violence includes slapping, pushing, and shoving.
I see it all the time, just by reading comments online. It is blatantly clear that society expects men to keep their hands off women, but there isn’t much of an expectation for the reverse. Girls are always slapping, pushing, and threatening their men, and it’s almost expected that men just deal with it. On TV these types of physical incidences are often portrayed as humorous. WHY.
Watch this quick video that shows the difference in the way people respond to women and men being victims in public:
Many male victims report feeling ashamed. They feel shame that they became victims, so much though that they often won’t admit to being one. Often times they will not call authorities as well, for fear they will be ridiculed, not taken seriously, and yes- even falsely arrested. Even many domestic shelters only cater toward women and children.
While the forms of violence men and women experience can differ, that doesn’t make them any less worthy of our attention. So in what ways are men abused? I’m going to list some things… and I want you to think if YOU or one of your friends have ever acted in the following ways to men?
- Attempt to humiliate or insult him in front of others
- Aggressively push him
- Painfully kick them
- Cut him off from his social contacts (forbid him to hang out with friends)
- Threatening him to take the children and move away
- Threatening to take him for full custody in court
- Threatening to divorce him and take all his money
- Smashing his belongings, especially sentimental ones
- Stalking him at his favorite places after a breakup
- Gaslighting him when he catches you in the wrong
- Break up with him and then beg for him back the second you see him happy and moving on.
- Text him continuously demanding to know where he is. Making him send you photos to prove it.
- Forcing him to try for children, even when he’s made it clear he doesn’t want them.
Since publishing Hollow Company I have had many men come forward and thank me for telling my story. Because THEY can relate. Sadly, the amount even took me by surprise… which is part of the problem here. The basis of my story is, if it can happen to women, it can certainly happen to men as well. We need to ensure we’re not forgetting them in the conversation.
I found this important to address this week because this past Sunday, a High School friend of mine, Nick Tracy, died at the hands of his girlfriend. During in argument he exited the car and began to walk. His girlfriend got into the driver’s seat and intentionally hit him with the car. A fatal hit.
I don’t know the intricacies of their relationship, so I won’t pretend to. I don’t know what history they have or haven’t had with domestic violence. But one thing is for sure, using a car to intentionally end your boyfriend’s life, is the epitome of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
Lots of upcoming events to watch out for: A book reading for Corning Community College, a meet the author event with Card Carrying Books & Gifts, and a book signing at Estornes & Boor’s pop up at Lotus Lounge.
Don’t forget to subscribe for more content. New blogs are posted every Friday.
Follow me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/hollowcompany
Hollow Company: A Memoir of Survival 