Breakthroughs and Books

Here I sit, quarantined with Covid. There are only so many hours of Netflixing one can do before they go mad. My eyes are sick of being assaulted with ads as they glide by. My finger is even sicker of scrolling past them. I’ve read hundreds of pages, but I’m bored to my absolute core.

Last night while trying to doze off I was bombarded with flashes of memories. Usually my pre-sleep thoughts veer to the negative, ultimately dooming me to night terrors. A bad habit I’ve been trying to break. Last night was different.

I was viewing happy memories with my grandmother, “Granny” as we like to call her. There were so many; one blending into the next, showcasing a happy timleline of my childhood, teens, into my early adulthood.

I awoke this morning compelled to make a list of them all. And as I continued to write, they continued to come. I went to turn on Netflix for some background noise and The Cabin popped up on the banner. I froze. It was a sign from Granny.

After my miscarriage in 2016 Granny told me to turn to God. To pray on it. At first, I didn’t get the message. But one dreary morning while living Hefei China, I randomly downloaded the book The Cabin on Kindle and bawled as I read through it entirely. My next flight to the USA, The Cabin was the first movie on the flight list. I bawled through that as well.

As a general rule, I don’t repeat movies. I rarely find one I’d care enough to. But I can watch The Cabin continuously and always find something new to take away… and somehow, it always pops into my life when I need a lesson the most. I never have to go searching.

I didn’t realize December 7, 2022 I needed a lesson, but Granny said today was the day and who am I to argue with Granny?

Today’s lesson was on guilt. Guilt for so many things that I didn’t realize I was harboring until I watched it. Again I viewed the movie through a sea of water. Let me tell you, there’s a massive healing power in crying. And there is no shortage of tears from Jessica Hmiel.

Afterward, I decided to go downstairs for a coffee refill. As it brewed I looked over and saw Granny’s bibles sitting atop a shelf, specially purchased for her keepsakes. I pulled down the familiar books, dusting them off. To my surprise, found this when I opened it.

Though this was Granny’s bible, strangely enough I’m uncertain this was written by her. The penmanship is off. But whoever wrote it, whenever they wrote it, seemed to be plagued with guilt too. I hope their burden was lifted in way mine was today.

With that said…. It seems to me in making a list of memories this morning, I also made an outline of sorts. I can’t wait to get it on paper for you all.

While Hollow Company served a purpose, it was dark and painful. This book will be a journey of happiness and light. Admittedly, this wasn’t the 2nd book I had planned. Hell, it wasn’t even a book I had planned 12 hours ago… but I can’t wait to honor Granny in this way. You never know, maybe if you read between the lines, you’ll find a version of Granny you need too.